Not really what I wanted to hear.

In Cancer Sucks on October 6, 2011 at 6:12 pm

I yelled upstairs this afternoon, whilst telecommuting, to let my oldest daughter know I’d be downstairs (and within in earshot for phone calls / her questions / her requests).  She yells back, “OK Dad, I’m practicing writing with my left hand.”

Sounds like a great kid thing to do, you know, try to learn how to write with your other hand … for kicks, neat trick and all …

For my daughter this may be a reality in a month … I mean it will be reality after surgery.  She’ll probably need physical therapy, her right arm will be sore … And I also mean she may have no right hand, or arm for that matter.   I don’t think she knows this is a possibility and our understanding is that this is an absolute worse case scenario, but then again our whole last 4 months have been a worst case scenario as far as we’re concerned, so there’s that.

We’re at a break in treatment before the long awaited surgery to remove this damn tumor, our mantra is “get it out.”  But we have weeks to go before surgery, her body needs to heal from radiation and 4 rounds of chemo … she’s tired, we’re tired.  Sick and tired of living with this, tired of not being able to get to sleep at a decent hour because you can’t get the worse possible scenarios out of your head … and they get pretty bad … still dis-believing that your daughter is bald and a cancer-kid … It all takes an emotional toll on you.

And yes that’s a cliche, but again, these past 4 months have been full of all of them: take each day as it comes; take one day at a time; be thankful for what you have; it is what it is; question authority (e.g. your doctors); be a good patient advocate; god is dead (that’ll be fleshed out for a future post, my road to atheism <LOL>); and live each day to it’s fullest …  yeah, we would, but we’re too friggin’ tired …

Hey, lets end on an up note!

Does she still have a great giggly laugh? Yes.

Does she still have a sly sense of humor?  Yes.

Is she still a speed reader, plowing through her library books and Harry Potter websites? Yes.

Does she still play nicely (as well as bicker) with her younger sister? Yes.

Is she still a great little girl that is taking this incredibly unfair intrusion into her very young life in stride? Yes, yes she is …