This post’s title was my daughter thinking aloud to my wife in the car a while back. Given the possibility that the chemo and radiation may in fact prevent her from having children one day, that’s a good plan to have. It’s a sucky plan to have to make when you’re eleven though. And it’s a sign my daughter is much more aware of her situation then she let’s on to us, as it’s a topic we never openly discussed with her. Kids are pretty smart and they pick up on a lot, cliché yes, but this is an example of why these clichés exist.

Haven’t written here for quite a while, partly because no news is good news, partly because I don’t want to think about cancer if I don’t have to. But it sneaks up on you anyway and today I feel like I have to get it all out.

It is the first of our two-year cycle of a every 3-month MRI & CT scan my daughter will get to make sure this cancer that has a high re-occurrence rate doesn’t reoccur … It’s a reality that is rather unwelcome after being in a “let’s get back to normal” bubble the past couple of months. Her hair is growing back although still short like a marine recruit, but soft as down. She is relishing being a student and doing very well in school. I suspect she likes school work partly because it makes her feel normal again too and it is something she can worry about but, still have some control over. She has energy and humor and she likes being with us and us with her, she and we are pretty happy just being.

But being back in the hospital again, even with the nice nurses and lab techs and anesthesiologist, reminds you how badly you don’t really want to be there. The waiting waiting waitng doesn’t help either just more time to think and even endless rounds of Angry Birds doesn’t really help.

And when the nice recovery room nurse says “we hope we don’t have to see you again,” it’s hard for me to reply for fear of choking myself up, because we will see them again. Every three months for the next two years. And then every six months and then annually …

…

On a lighter note, another thing I was reminded being back at the hospital today is that Au Bon Pain’s coffee and cinnamon buns look better than they are. That turkey club sandwich is still quite good, the coffee and cinnamon buns are just OK. I’m writing this to remind myself and save myself a few dollars and useless calories in the process.

Again, I wish I never had to know about the pros and cons of the food choices at the hospital. But it’s one of those weird and quirky things I now know because I have a kid with cancer and have spent a lot of time there.